


Looking Back, Moving On (the Reality Check remix)

by Sangerin



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Community: remix_redux, Episode: s03e15 Dead Irish Writers, F/F, Female Protagonist, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-30
Updated: 2007-04-30
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:19:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's natural for CJ and Dr Bartlet to drift together after campaign functions, or so CJ tells herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking Back, Moving On (the Reality Check remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/2754) by BluFlamingo. 



> Spoilers/references to "Dead Irish Writers", nothing beyond that.

On the night of the First Lady's birthday, the night before the Board decides her future, they get drunk. CJ and Amy and Donna and Abbey. There's a little too much alcohol around, and they're all in dresses that show off something, whether shoulders or cleavage or legs or a long, lean back, and it's all just a little too boarding school for complete and utter comfort.

The comparisons are unavoidable. The memories unbidden. CJ smiles across the room at Abbey, as if the past two years hadn't happened, as if they were back on the campaign again.

*

Dr Bartlet is stunning, and anyone would fall in love with her. Or so CJ tells herself. Dr Bartlet is the Queen of the campaign, coming amongst them regally to bestow favors on the populace. She's just so calm, in the middle of the chaos of a campaign not yet quite off the ground. It's Abbey – Dr Bartlet's hand on CJ's shoulder that calms her down when Governor Bartlet has said or done something stupid. It isn't Leo who can calm her, and no one would ever look to Toby for that. It's Dr Bartlet. And CJ starts calling her "Abbey" in her head. And seeking her out.

The PR firm she'd worked for in California had been headed by a woman and mostly female-staffed. Before that she'd been working for Emily's List, and she wasn't used to being the only woman in the high-level meetings. Great progressive of New England that the Governor may have seen himself as, all the women around CJ, except Dr Bartlet, were assistants. It's natural for CJ and Dr Bartlet to drift together after campaign functions. Natural that they would spend time together in the few brief moments CJ had when there wasn't work to be done. Or so CJ tells herself.

It's natural that Abbey would put her hand on CJ's arm, and stroke it lightly. That CJ would put her hand in the small of Abbey's back to guide her to a podium, or through a press gaggle. That when the Governor is deep in a late-night meeting with the policy wonks, and Josh and Toby and Leo decide to make it a boys night and kick CJ out of the discussions, that CJ would go to the Governor's suite and find Abbey, barefoot, curled up in the sofa watching the television coverage of the campaigns.

What happens after that, well, they'd both been taught as children that it wasn't natural at all. Yet it feels so right. Kisses. CJ sliding her hands beneath Abbey's sweatshirt, Abbey pulling off CJ's blouse and undoing the zipper of her slacks. Moving from the couch to the bed, and each of them asking the other whether this was really okay, whether Abbey was really cheating on her husband. Deciding they didn't care.

Dr Bartlet is beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, a knock-out. She knocks all sense from CJ's head and in the morning, when CJ wakes up in her own bed after sneaking back there at 2am, still long before the Governor's meeting will finish, CJ takes a breath and knows that she wants to be with Abbey again. Forever would be good, if it weren't impossible.

*

In the residence, among the wine bottles and glasses, Donna stumbles over the distinction between "Abbey" and The First Lady, and while she blushes and apologizes, CJ drinks more wine, because she's spent more time than Donna trying to navigate that tricky route of identity, and she still isn't good at it.

*

It only ever happens when Abbey is mad at the President. But she travels so much that she has to be mad with the President and in Washington DC, and have an excuse to seek out CJ all at the same time, and somehow it's never quite the same as it was that first time. It's usually desperate, clutching at each other and at the brief time they have.

CJ knows, without knowing how or why, that the last time is just that, even before it happens. It's been a long time, and when Abbey surprises her, early morning in her office, CJ calls her "Mrs Bartlet", and doesn't know where in her mind the title sprang from. Abbey's in jeans and a sweatshirt, and CJ is dressed for a day at the office, and the contrast of casual and business is the same as it was that night in the hotel suite somewhere out on the campaign trail. CJ feels the familiar coil of tension and longing tight in her abdomen. But there's something sad in Abbey's eyes when she leaves CJ's office. The President is in New York, and Abbey has invited CJ to the residence for dinner, and this is the end starts flashing, neon bright, in the back of CJ's mind.

The Secret Service agent smirks when she arrives at the resident. He tries hard to hide it, but there's a definite smirk, and CJ wonders what's been said at Detail briefings, and what stories have done the rounds of the agents, information pieced together by men and women who are simultaneously supposed to see everything and nothing.

CJ sits at the kitchen table with a glass of wine, while Abbey cooks pasta, and the coil of tension is still there, tight and low, and CJ hopes that the wine will loosen her tongue and make the chit chat just a little less awkward. But the awkwardness doesn't stop until Abbey abandons the pasta and puts a hand on CJ's cheek and leans into kiss her.

Neither of them ever says that it's the last time that this will happen. But in contrast to their other, desperate nights, this final time is slow and gentle. CJ kisses every inch of Abbey's skin as she lies nude on the bed in one of the guest rooms. She lingers over Abbey's breasts, running her hands gently up and down Abbey's sides. And then Abbey looms above CJ, letting her hair fall around her face, and as she kisses her way down CJ's body, there are tears on Abbey's cheeks.

*

It's been two years, and CJ has told herself that she has moved on. There was a brief thing with Amy (until both Josh and Donna had begun shooting sparks from their eyes in her direction), and most of the time she was too busy for a relationship, anyway, which was why she always seemed to be falling into bed with people who had their own insane lives to lead.

She watches Abbey across the room and realizes that she hasn't moved on entirely. She still wants her, still wishes that life were different, that Abbey wasn't married and that they weren't both Catholic.

But the thing she's learned about love is this: you can't force yourself to stop, even though if you have the chance, you can move on. You can't force yourself to stop, you can just deal with it in the best, most positive way possible.

When they get up to go back to the party, CJ holds Abbey back, and hugs her close.

'Claudia Jean?' Abbey asks, and CJ just smiles and shrugs.

'Happy birthday, Abbey.'


End file.
